FSM

In the beginning was Spaghetti. And Spaghetti was with FSM. And Spaghetti was FSM.

From the void He created the firmament. The highest most firmaments He called Spaghetti Heaven. The lower most firmaments he called Meatball Earth.

He created man in His image and poured pasta sauce in him and made man a living spaghetti and meatball sandwich.

The man was perfection but he was lonely. So it came to pass that, while PastAdam slept, FSM took half of one of his meatballs and made EvaLinguini.

It came to pass that the seeds of PastAdam and EvaLinguini lived in iniquity and abandoned FSM. He was so upset he wanted to drown them all in thick tomato sauce.

His son, Pas Tafari, spoke up. He volunteered to go to meatball Earth and straighten things out.

FSM, said "OK. I am giving those meatheads one last chance"
So, as baby Pas laid in a cow shed covered in spaghetti, meatball and sh...
He almost changed his mind and wanted to get back to Spaghetti Heaven ASAP.

Pas Tafari was very impressive. He exorcised demons. He cured the sick. He fed a multitude of tens of thousands with just six meatballs and a small dish of Alfredo Linguini.

He walked on a sea of spaghetti sauce, only falling in once. Luckily no one was around to witness the embarrassment.

His most impressive miracle that made him, “The Man," was raising a large bowl of spaghetti and meatball from the dead of six months of staleness.

From that day onward his disciples were called "Pastafarians". It was they who spread The Gospels of Pas Tafari and The Holy Book of Pastafarianism far and wide.

After Pas Tafari was martyred in a pot of two hundred degrees boiling tomato sauce, he gave up the gig and went home for a long vacation. But he warned humanity "I'll be back, Jack", adding that "Whothsoever believeth in me, eateth spaghettith and meatballeth everyday and believe faithfully, without question, in FSM and Pastafarianism, will for certain be invited to Spaghetti Heaven to play Scrabble and Backgammon for eternity with FSM"

The end of days is nigh. Look for these signs and prepare thyselves for "The Apocalypse Now," which should not be confused with the movie of the same name.

The best sign is this: When the world was filled with pirates there was no global warming.

What is the biggest issue facing Meatball Earth today? Yes. Global Warming. Do I lie?

Have ye seen any pirates around here? No, ye say? The last one I saw was in "Pirates of the Caribbean". Yes the Broadway musical.

Verily, verily I say unto ye. FSM took back almost all of His pirates and this has caused Global Warming (and the scant few pirates He left in Somalia are raising Cain on the high seas).

I say ye, there is going to be screaming and much gnashing of teeth, but, worse still, there will be a great paucity of spaghetti and meatball all throughout the world. Repent now or all ye fates is to drown in oceans and oceans and oceans and oceans of pasta sauce. . .

Note: Please email your prayers to FlyingSpaghettiMonster@FSM.hell

Have a nice day.